Jaguars Vs. Jets

Pablo--

Since I last emailed, I have also worked two times in my
security-guarding role. The first involved me spending an entire
Friday sitting in a chair at Alltel Stadium, while essentially nothing
happened. I was assiged to guard the East Club entrance gate on a day
when there was an event in the West Club, which, as you might
guess from the name, is located on the side of the stadium opposite to
where I was posted. Over the course of the day (from 8 a.m. to 5:30
p.m.), MAYBE fifteen people came by. Accordingly, the hardest work I
did all day was moving my chair occasionally so that I'd stay out of
the sun.

Ideally, I would have spent that time thinking deep thoughts, making
complex plans, etc. But after about fifteen minutes, the only thing I
could think about was how f-----g bored I was. So that's what I
thought about. For the next eight hours and fifteen minutes.

At the very end of my shift, I did finally have the opportunity to do
something. My post was right near the office for the Gator Bowl
Committee, and at the end of the day, a guy came out of that office
carrying a few bulky wooden shelving units. I thought to myself,
"Great! I can finally be useful!", and I offered to help him get them
to his car. He politely declined. It was only after he drove off
that I thought to myself, "Maybe, as a security guard, I ought to be
STOPPING people from carrying off pieces of the stadium."
Hmmmmmmmmm...

Then, last Sunday, I worked the Jaguars/Jets game. I was assigned to
the same post I had last game, which was to start out at the media
gate, then move on to doing searches at Gate 1, and then around
halftime move into the stadium and take a position in the expensive
seats.

That's not a bad assignment, but it's not where I want to be. I am
willing -- nay, EAGER -- to do whatever it takes to get back on the
field. I feel I owe it to the Roar, who I'm sure have missed me.

Anyway, soon I headed on out to the media gate. I had a great time
talking with the usual guard at the media gate, "Lucky." Lucky is an
older guy, and he's worked the media gate for so long that all of the
media people know him by name. I was enjoying talking with Lucky, but
was shocked to discover that he's 79 years old, and served as a guard
at the Nuremburg Trials. (see
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nuremberg_Trials). That dude's in great
shape for 79. I seriously have no doubt whatsoever that he could
still kick my weenie ass.

The media gate was pretty quiet. I did, however, get to frisk network
tv analyst and former pro football star Randy Cross (see
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Randy_Cross).

Then, it was on to gate 1, and again frisking a couple thousand guys.
Fortunately, it was a little bit cooler than the last game, so people
weren't nearly as sweaty as the last time I was there. Thank God.
Things moved pretty smoothly, and I think I did alright. I was
particularly pleased to successfully find and interdict a pair of fake
binoculars that were filled with whiskey. (I thought I was pretty
slick for catching that.)

Unlike the Cowboys and the Steelers, the Jets fans didn't turn out in
huge numbers for the game. It was not hard to identify those who did,
though. Most of them really did sound like stereotypical New Yorkers.
In fact, if I had a dollar for every "Howyadoin'" I heard, I'd have
more than enough money to invest it and never have to frisk another
couple of thousand guys. Anyway, the Jets fans were pleasant enough,
and only one gave me a hard time. Although he didn't try to stop me
from patting him down, one guy angrily shouted "Hey, this is f----n'
illegal! You can't search me! I know my rights." I thought, "Sure,
stand up for those rights, pal. You're a real f-----g Rosa Parks." I
should have seized the opportunity to give him a purple nurple (see
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_nurple), but I'm far too
professional for that, I guess.

Once everyone was in the stadium, a bunch of us got redeployed inside
the stadium to augment the security in the expensive seats. While we
were waiting to be reposted under the bleachers, some important dude
called us all to gather around him. He was either the head security
guy for Alltell Stadium, or an NFL official. Regardless, he was
obviously running the show. He informed us that this was a rough
crowd, and that Jets fans were notoriously difficult. He said he'd
seen them set fires to their seats at other games, and that was when
their team was WINNING. Here, they were losing. He also said that
there had been problems today with drunkenness, general rowdiness, and
(get this), fans in the seating area jumping up and grabbing bottles
of liquor off of the sills of the luxury boxes above them. He told us
not to put up with any shit.

Thus inspired, we were sent out into the lion's den. I got put up
near the top of the uber-expensive club seats. Over the next hour and
a half, there were actually several occasions when I had to step in
and take control of situations. (Curiously, not one of them involved an untuly Jets fan.)
I stopped a couple of young guys fromhopping the fence separating the club seats from the regular seats,
and gave a very stern talking to a dude who threw a wadded up napkin,
among others. However, there were no situations that I didn't resolve
merely by being stern, and nothing that required the assistance of the
cops, thank God. I got to watch some of the game, which was only
remarkable for how big a beat-down the Jags administered to the Jets.
(For game recap, see
http://sports-att.espn.go.com/nfl/recap?gameId=261008030).

This week, the Jags are off, and then they're on the road next week.
They return to action the week after that, hosting the Titans. I'll
do my best to get on tv so you all can see me up there, but if I
don't, you can at least know that whenever they show a crowd shot,
it's likely that I will have frisked at least some of the guys in the
frame.